Valentine’s Day Isn’t Always Hearts and Flowers

Valentine’s Day is everywhere. Every supermarket, every flower shop, every restaurant window — meal for two, dining for two, love hearts as far as the eye can see.

But what if you’re not feeling it? What if Valentine’s Day is less about romance and more about reminding you of what you’ve lost?

Andrea Atkin is Mix 56’s Divorce Coach and she joined me on the show this week to talk about the side of Valentine’s Day that nobody really talks about. And as usual, she didn’t hold back.

“It can be a huge trigger for people,” Andrea told me. “You’re bombarded with images of love and happy people living the best lives, and if you’re not in that situation and you’re in a dark spot, you’re absolutely surrounded by it.”

She’s right. Andrea pointed out that Valentine’s Day can represent what was supposed to be. It highlights loss of identity. Social media comparison goes through the roof. And it can stir up grief, even when the decision to separate was the right one.

So what do you actually do with all of that?

Andrea’s first piece of advice was beautifully simple — control your inputs.

Step away from social media for a bit. Most of what you see on there is carefully created content, not a true reflection of real lives. Plan the day intentionally, don’t just let it happen to you. Do something meaningful — whether that’s the gym, a Galentine’s night, or yes, even a bag of chips from the local chippy.

We had a laugh about that on the show.

Andrea told me she once spent Valentine’s Day at the gym and the place was empty. I said wouldn’t it be funny if it was packed — everyone hiding from Valentine’s in the same place. But her point was a good one. It was her coping strategy, and it worked.

We also swapped war stories about eating alone on Valentine’s night. I used to work away a lot and trying to get a table for one in London on February 14th is an experience I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

Andrea had the same thing at a conference. The looks you get. Soul-destroying, she called it.

But as she rightly said, you can’t second-guess what people are thinking.

On a more serious note, we talked about knowing when you’re ready to date again after divorce. Andrea was clear — it’s not about replacing someone, it’s about rediscovering yourself first.

The biggest mistake she sees is people dating before they’re emotionally ready.

“When you want to get into a relationship, it’s because you want to and not that you need to,” she said. “You’ve got to have a life that you want to share with somebody else. They’re going to add to your life — not come and save you.”

She also flagged some red flags worth knowing: love bombing or moving too fast, speaking badly about all their exes, avoiding deeper conversations, pressure for quick commitment, and asking for money or favours early on.

Her advice?

Don’t just listen to what someone says — watch what they actually do. Healthy love brings clarity, stability and peace, not confusion and self-doubt.

Andrea wrapped up with three things to think about before Saturday, whether you’re in a relationship or not. Structure your thoughts — are these feelings real or am I being influenced by external pressure? Communicate — especially if you’re in a relationship.

And if you’re single, look after yourself. Do something kind for you.

Oh, and Valentine’s Day was invented by marketers to sell cards, apparently. So there’s that.

Andrea’s back on the show next month to talk finances and relationships. Find out more at her website or just Google “Andrea Divorce Coach” — she comes straight up.